I have often been asked how you can introduce sexual themes to a conversation in a way that turns a woman on rather than turn her off.
Unfortunately most men miss the boat by either A) Being too forward or awkward in a way that a woman might find off-putting where they are unattractive or uncomfortable. Or B) they are too “nice” and end up being perceived as non-sexual and a woman either loses interest or they get stuck in the dreaded “friend” zone. With that in mind here are a few tips to do it in a way that is more likely to work out.
1) She must be at least somewhat attracted to you, your looks, your personality, something about you. She doesn’t have to be ready to jump you yet, but getting her laughing and having fun is a good place to start. Incidental touch or “kino” is also an effective element to introduce to the interaction and a way to test if she is attracted to you.
2) Establish that she is attracted to you, but don’t wait too long. In many situations it helps to introduce a sexual element to the conversation in the first 5 – 10 minutes rather than waiting a long time. Waiting until after a couple of hours to turn the conversation sexual can create some problems because it doesn’t fit with who you have been in the conversation: a comfortable non-sexual guy to talk to.
3) You must be comfortable with your sexuality and with expressing that you are sexually attracted to a woman. Do you want to have sex but feel guilty or nervousness about it, or that you should apologize for it? This a pretty common issue for men in our society based on what we are told as kids, by religion and by the media. By accepting your own sexuality you can lead a woman to overcome her own reservations toward sharing an experience with her. Also accept the possibility that she might not appear to approve, at least not at first. This is in part because she won’t want to appear too easy. However by being light and playful you can be more bold.
4) Your awareness needs to be in the moment, in your body, and in your sexuality, not in your head. Meditation, martial arts, visualizations, etc. can help with this as a general concept, but being present in the moment and focusing on the person you are touching and the pleasure of touching her is all you really need to do. Women can sense when you touch her and speak to her if your mind is elsewhere. One thing I have covered in my seminars and coaching sessions is the pond ripple exercise to help you develop an external focus and get out of your own head.
Some practical ways to introduce sexual elements to the conversation
With these keys in mind here are some practical ways to go about it.
1) Be challenging and tell a story about you or something a “crazy friend” did. E.g. I’ve got this really crazy story, but I think it might be too crazy for you, you look kind of innocent. If she says try me, I’m up for a good story, then you can go ahead with your story and if she gets offended, you can always say see I told you this wasn’t your thing. However this might prompt her to tell a story of her own or get turned on listening to your story.
2) Deliberately misunderstand something she says.
i.e. Her: “What did you say about that duck/ puck etc.?” You: “What, do I want to fuck?” “Well now you’re pretty forward, I appreciate the offer.”
Her: I’m hot (it’s hot in here) You: “I’m glad I make you hot, but that’s what they all say, but you have no idea how hot it will be when I’m …. (she might be shocked or really turned on) Or simply the almost cliched line “That’s what she said.” can always work too.
3) Reverse the traditional gender role and assume that she is the sexual aggressor in a humorous way. This is funny because most women are used to assuming the role of being the one that is pursued for sex.
“I want a woman that’s going to get to know me first and not just use me for sex.” Then playfully respond when she says something like I’m sure you feel so bad being used for sex.
4) Any double-meanings or entendres. Yeah, these can be a seem a little immature but are always fun anyway. ”This is so tight” or “that would be really hard.”
5) Later on in the evening you might even find a way to comment on her body with a glance and say something like “nice.” This is especially true if she is wearing an outfit designed to be more revealing. This should be reserved until after you have already established that she is attracted to you or you are willing to be bold and use this as a test without knowing how she will respond.
So there are a few ways to go about introducing sexual elements to your conversations with women.
To learn more about these and other topics check out my seminars including my text message webinar or “How to Build Sexual Chemistry” seminar