December 14, 2017

Relationships: Keeping the Girl, if She’s Really a keeper

Oftentimes I have been asked.

Now that I’ve “gotten the girl,” how do I “keep her?”

I think a better question to ask isn’t how you keep her, but how do you maintain a healthy satisfying relationship that’s giving you and the other person what you currently want and need. No matter what promises or commitments that people say, know that ultimately people are going to do what is best for them. That includes both yourself and the other person. Typically, someone with a lower sense of self-esteem will stay in the situation past the point where they’ve already decided that it is not ideal for them. So with that in mind, there are several things that you need to do to maintain a healthy type of relationship and also maintain your own health first.

Maintain a healthy sense of self and identity outside of the relationship

you have between you and her. Some things you can do include continuing to keep doing the hobbies and activities that you’ve enjoyed before seeing her. Oftentimes relationships can take significant time and emotional and social and psychological energy, which can take away from hobbies that you — hanging out with friends on a regular basis, other life routines and things that you have. Now a part of this is pretty much unavoidable, but to an extent, you do need to make sure you. Let’s say you don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. You do maintain those types of things.

Periodically review what you want in the relationship

See if what you’re currently getting is in line with what it is you originally wanted. Of course, one of the best ways to do this is to write it down. Create a written list before you are in a relationship with them of what it is that you do want. Sometimes it is easier for people to create a list of what they do not want. If that is the case, rather than dwelling on the negative, and conversely attracting that to you, take those negative statements, write them down, but then turn them into a positive statement. For example, if someone has a negative quality like being dishonest, then the opposite of that would be someone that was trustworthy and that you could count on.

So as an exercise create positive statements and periodically, perhaps every month or two, look at your list of your want and make sure things are on track. Another thing is to also remember your core values and the types of things you find important and admirable in another person. See if this person is behaving in that kind of way and be honest. How do they treat other people? How do they treat you? Do they drink excessively to the point where it causes problems in their life in terms of their job, the law, or their physical health? Basically, look for warning signs and those red flags relating to their behavior and act accordingly. It is a bad sign if you find yourself making excuses for them for behavior that you would not accept in someone you were not dating.

So there you have it a few quick guidelines for keeping or knowing when to leave a relationship so that you have healthy satisfying ones.

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