The following online dating tips are from a blog by Drama in DC who I met on Ok Cupid. Here is her story of how we met: The Dating Coach. We later went on to become good friends with benefits and she helped me when I went out to coach guys infield and online dating profiles.
Tips on Online Dating
(from Drama in DC)
I’ve had a profile on various online dating websites for a long time and I’ve encountered many profiles and gotten tons of messages. I’ve also done many experiments with my profile to see what works and what doesn’t so here are some of my observations and tips.
Profile:
- Have a profile picture: Let’s face it, whether you’re a guy or a girl, the first thing you look at is the picture. Make sure that you have one that shows your face.
- Don’t just list things that you like: Everyone has hobbies and you want to tell the viewers of your profile that you have them. You don’t have to mention all of them but make sure to mention some and add a short story to one or two of them. You’re into hiking? Well say how you took this one hiking trip that was so much fun. That way the guy or girl can relate to it, even ask you about it. It sparks a conversation. Maybe he/she has hiked there too, or has a fun hiking story to share. You like to travel? Share a fun travel story!
- Don’t mention your job too much: You don’t want to end up only talking about your job on a first date or in a message.
- Don’t be too serious: Don’t ever take online dating too seriously! Have fun with it! Show your sense of humor, don’t just say that you have a sense of humor. I’ve seen so many profiles where people say they have a great sense of humor but no evidence of it. Quite frankly their profiles are pretty dull and boring. If you’re passionate about it, by all means share it!
- Have qualifiers: By stating things that you like and bits about yourself that you’d like to see in the other person you are more likely to attract a person with those qualities. I like to party so I don’t message guys that say they don’t drink and prefer to stay home instead of going out. However, DO NOT make a list of things you don’t like about people, it makes you sound obnoxious.
Messaging:
- Make your messages short and to the point and demonstrate that you actually read the person’s profile. Perhaps you noticed something that you have in common, mention that. Too many guys (and perhaps girls) just say “ohh you look gorgeous” and then talk only about themselves. That just tells me that they didn’t read my profile. Try to make your message no longer than 2 paragraphs where you mention something you noticed in their profile and intrigues you, a bit about yourself that relates to them, and pose a question.
- Don’t EVER just message “hey cutie!”. Also mind your grammar and spelling! It’s not a text messaging conversation, show that you’re literate.
- Keep it flirty to establish and maintain attraction. If you don’t wanna become just friends you’re going to have to make sure that you come across as attracted to the person.
- To establish comfort you might end up instant messaging but make sure that you don’t just IM for days and never meet up.
Taking it beyond messaging
You have max 1 week after first message to actually meet up! If you just exchange messages without actually mentioning going out, well it’s not gonna happen then. There is a time limit so try to move things forward quickly. Don’t be vague and say “we should meet up sometime!” Also don’t inquire too much about exactly where the person lives, it’s intrusive and creepy. If you’ve been talking about great restaurants then use that as an opening to take it to the next level. “How about we go check out that sushi place you were recommending. How does Wednesday work for you?” It’s key to mention a day because that way you can coordinate even if that timing doesn’t work for the other person. Once you’ve decided to meet then you can exchange numbers. “My number is xxx-xxx-xxxx just in case, see you on Wednesday at 6 pm.” Nailed it!
The key is to keep things casual, have fun with it and not take it too seriously! When it comes to online dating and first meet it’s important to not be pushy and intrusive and meet half way. Meet in a place you’re both comfortable with. If you’re too pushy you’ll most likely end up with a firm NO. After all you’re just some stranger on the internet.
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Drama in DC: Is a graduate student in DC, European, young, single and tend to get into trouble, especially when it comes to men. She was encouraged by a friend to start a blog about her stories because they are (according to that friend) too good to not be shared with the world. I will obviously never use my real name or the real name of anyone encountered. Over time she became an advisor to many in the DC area. Just call me D.
