This is a story about how I picked up a woman from a Speed Dating event in May 2010. I talked to her in person for about 20 minutes, continued the conversation by text message and had her meet me at my place later that night. While these stories are fun, they are also meant to provide enough detail so that you can learn from them. In addition to men being able to learn from these stories I have also been told women have also told me that they have been able to learn how to pickup men as well as men from stories such as this one.
I went to a Speed Dating Event on a Friday night with one of my clients, Elliott G. In my previous experiences, the best opportunities for talking to women happen before and after the speed dating rather than during the 4-minute dates themselves. Another key is to get a woman’s phone number on the spot after the event if you were interested in her rather than wait for the match-making people to notify you – I don’t think they bother but even if they do it seems kind of weak and she has probably forgotten you by the time you actually get the contact info, so man up and ask for her number if you’re interested.
Even though there were more men than women at the event we had a major factor working in our favor: The women were going to rotate while the men would stand in the same place. Earlier in the day I had read a speed dating study on selectiveness that said when women were assigned to the traditionally male role of approaching potential romantic partners, they were not any pickier than men in choosing that special someone to date.
Important Principle: … being the pursuer is a key factor in how attracted a man or woman is to their partner.
Another challenge I faced was how to avoid the “What do you do?” and “Where are you from?” questions by leading with something spontaneous and offbeat from the beginning of each conversation. While the speed dating rotation itself had some fun points, I waited for the open bar after-party to really make any moves. I caught the eye of a tall brunette (HB Speed Date Brunette) who was about 5’10”. I started talking to her at about a 45 degree so I was looking over her shoulder at an angle and made sure that I always maintained a slight angle so I could get close enough to her to be heard over the background noise and be able to reach out and touch her without it being awkward and without being directly face to face.
While I had been having fun during the rotation of talking to one woman after another for 4 minutes each earlier in the night, I decided to be much more daring and more forward in my interactions women: shock and sexually escalate. She asked my name and then I looked at her name tag, making a deliberate point to stare at it a little. After saying her name I paused and said, “Hmm, 36D?”
“Guess again,” she said.
“DD?” I replied. She nodded.
“Wow, nice,” I said. “You shouldn’t try to hide them away like that. There’s some free advice for you that I give all of my friends with big beautiful breasts.” She laughed and stayed rooted right where she was.
This is a fun way to sexualize the conversation. The “guess her cup size routine” is a way for me to challenge and screen for how comfortable and open she is talking about sex. If she doesn’t walk away then she has accepted the sexual frame.
We walked over to the free open bar to get refills. She had a whiskey and Coke; I complimented her on that. “Ah, a woman that likes whiskey,” I said. “Five chick coolness points for you.” I also found out some information; she had gone to college in Philadelphia on an athletic scholarship even though she had grown up in an affluent Virginia suburb of Washington, DC.
Chick coolness points: a fun little game where I qualify her on a non-physical characteristic. Being a sports fan and liking steak and whiskey are a few that I use.
After talking for a few minutes by the bar, she introduced me her friends, two guys and one girl. I briefly acknowledged each one and spoke to one of them. She told me her friends had talked her into going to the event, her first time speed dating. I then jumped back into talking to her while her other friends talked amongst themselves about 10 feet away.
I transitioned the conversation as we walked over to the couches and sat down. “My friend is going to get food and I’m starving too, but do you mind if we sit down for a moment?” I asked.
I introduced a time constraint before we sat down, while not always necessary it does help alleviate any worries about being stuck in a boring conversation for a long time or any objections because she might need to go soon. Transitioning to being seated allowed us to establish talking to each other in another area of the bar.
Then I jumped into another topic with no transition and used it to transition to a sexual topic. “You know at these events everyone always asks what do you do and where are you from? But it would be much more interesting if people asked, what is one of the craziest sexual adventures you have ever had? Then it would have to be Dark Odyssey Speed Dating rather than this event.”
She asked “What is Dark Odyssey?” I went into my description of the event.
Since she asked about it, this was once again her way to accept a sexual conversational topic to talk about. Since she asked for it, she is less likely to object and more likely to be comfortable with it.
“There were these classes about all kinds of sexual techniques and it was like a kinky gym where people could rotate from one station to another. My then-girlfriend and I went to the place where people were just fucking and did it on a swing right in front of a small crowd. It was awesome.”* I told HB Speed Dates my ex had a little shamrock tattoo on her thigh. When I saw that I said, “Oh, I guess this means I’m getting lucky.” HB Speed Date laughed.
Another tactic: tell stories about your adventures with other women, this is different because it breaks the rules of what guys would normally do. It offers a way for you to disqualify the dating frame while sharing stories that get her to think about sex and talk about it herself.
“So what’s your freaky story?” I asked.
“I’ve had a threesome before,” she replied. “Although, it was with a guy friend of mine and his girlfriend. It made things kind of awkward after that, but it was fun.”
Another important principle: Get her to talk about sex by sharing her own story as both a test and a way to get her to buy into the sexual frame of being adventurous. If she can talk about sex with you there is a good chance that she is already pretty comfortable with sex.
I told her about being in Las Vegas with my ex at a conference on sex and relationships. “We won a remote control vibrating egg for audience participation,” I said.
“As a field trip we went to a strip club with it in her underwear. I flipped the remote controlled vibrating egg on and off while she had a lap dance with two strippers. It was hot and they kept asking if they could take her home.”
Then I told HB Speed Date that the ex had tattoos and how every woman I had met that had tattoos had a freaky side to her. I asked her “I don’t suppose you have a tattoo?” She said she had two. I asked her where and she said one on each upper thigh.
While this girl seemed a little reserved at first, she had a freaky side to her as well. Tattoos seem to be a good barometer of how likely a woman is to be open to sex soon after meeting. This is looking very promising.
She said, “So what happened with the girl?”
“She moved away to travel the country as a model,” I said. “It never would have worked out; she was a vegetarian. I’ve concluded that there is something wrong with women that are vegetarians.”
She laughed. “Yeah, I’ll take a nice juicy steak any day.”
So she qualified herself again: not a vegetarian. Or maybe she just likes steak.
I then number closed for the time being because I wanted to get a few more phone numbers from some of the women I had spoken with earlier. “I want to say goodbye to a few people and then I’m grabbing some food with my friend, but I’ll be around later. I’ll drop you a text once I know where we are at and perhaps we can meet up.” The rest of the seduction was entirely by text message.
Use Text messages to continue the conversation
I have decided to use text messages as a way to continue the conversation and continue to build momentum that you have started while meeting in person. This can be a good way to either meet up that same night or to increase the odds that she will answer your call or return a voice message. A few key points are described in the text message exchange below. See my article: Text Messaging for dating: 7 tips to be playful and engaging for more tips on texting.
Notice my use of weasel phrases, anchors, and some humor, and how giving my location was enough to get her to give her location. Also notice the sexual escalation; with each favorable reply, I escalate.
Another principle: Give information to get information.
The key to making this work was that I established the sexual frame early on in the conversation and got her active participation. I also started building compliance from the beginning; we had three mini-bounces—standing in place, then to the bar, then to the couch. Then the sensual and sexual escalation was the same—escalate, compliance, more escalation.
Me: Grabbing food, catch up to you a little later.
Her: Ok, have fun!
Me: Debating going back to the bar
Her: We just left, at the metro
Her: Now in DuPont getting food
Me: We might go to Public at some point
Her: ? I don’t know dc lol
Me: You need a tour guide Miss Tourist
Her: Lol yeah prob .. I stick to va
Me: Yeah? Land of the brown flip flops
Her: Flip flops would be heaven right now!
Me: Oh yeah, that and a foot massage where you can just feel every ounce of tension easing out of your body
Her: Yeah that would be really great too, after the walking I just did
Me: Mmm, a relaxing massage followed by a skillful tongue tracing it’s way along your thighs
Her: That might make me shake
Me: Mmm, as you shake you can already begin to anticipate the warmth spreading on down…
Her: Yea cuz it’s def been a while
Me: Awhile eh, I don’t know if you can imagine the feel of a nice thick cock sliding deep inside
Commentary: Wow, how is this for a green light. She flat out told me she hasn’t had sex in awhile.
After this there was a 25 minute gap, after getting almost immediate replies from her before. Does this mean anything? Did my dirty talk somehow go too far? It turns out she was just on the Metro underground.
Her: Well it better be long too
Me: Long and strong, gotta keep the friction on … Now at Lucky Bar
Her: Back in Bethesda takin my friend home
Me: Care for some company to destress and have some good old fashioned fun?
Her: I don’t have my own place sadly and my feet r really hurtin
Her: Otherwise I might be tempted
Me: Too bad we can’t, I’m out in Alexandria, but you’re now in Bethesda?
“Too bad we can’t” is a phrase that sets a challenge for her to act, propose a solution that says why can’t we.
Her: Headed to McLean
Me: Driving? Stop by my place.
Her: Should I trust you enough to come over?
Me: I’m as trust worthy as the Big Bad Wolf, I might just have to eat you
She asked if she could trust me, but she didn’t really need a serious answer from me, just needed to reassure herself and for me to not freak out.
Her: Where do you live?
Me: I gave her my address
Her: Can I ask how many people you have been with?
Me: A few
Her: That’s very vague lol
Me: Enough to learn how such clit and hit just the right spots …
Her: Safely I hope
Me: Of course
Once again she didn’t need a serious answer so I just turned it back to her
Her: Let me plug it into my GPS, I’m a mile from my house
Her: I would normally say no, but I’m trusting u
Me: I appreciate it and it will be worth your while
Her: I’ll be there in 20 min
“I would normally say no,” was her way of saying I don’t want you to think I’m a slut. I left the bar and got home minutes before she arrived—perfect timing.
She came over; she had some very nice breasts and was good company too. Between rounds of sex I did my handwriting analysis routine just for the hell of it, and it revealed no major hell traits. After having some good fun talk and some more sex, I walked her out. “We should do this again sometime,” I said. “I’ll be in touch with you soon.” She smiled and said “Sounds good.”
The next day I sent her a text message:
Me: Still smiling from last night see you around sometime soon.
Her: I didn’t think I would actually hear from you.
Me: I told you I’m a man of my word.
Since then we have exchanged x-rated pictures and meet up once every month or so to hook up— over a year and a half later.
Sending a text message the next day is a nice touch and sets up a different way of viewing the interaction than this guy just wanted me for sex.