September 2, 2014

Take her home, she won’t be fooled by excuses

One thing that gets in the way of success for many guys is a limiting belief that women don’t really like sex that much or somehow have to be bribed or talked into it.  This message has been reinforced in pop culture many times over, and it is understandable how a man could think that until he has had enough experience to completely get that this need not be the case.

However know this, she knows that going home with you basically means sex no matter what the excuse.  This includes anything she says like we’re not going to have sex, etc.  Your excuse is largely irrelevant, let’s get some food back at my place, let’s grab some drinks after hours.  Really it can be anything, or even just “let’s go.”

The key is to set the tone from early on in the interaction by being open about your sexual intent and nature.  This includes sexual stories, innuendo and metaphor, and your physical touch and escalation with her.  The more she has either actively participated in, or passive allowed by continuing to go along with your stories, the less change you will encounter resistance at the end of the night.  You also want to be confident and assume that she want to be with you, even while you are still thorough in taking all of the steps necessary to make sure she is ready to go.

In spite of all of the preparation you may go through, there are some legitimate reasons why a woman will hesitate to go home with you even if she really wants to. However just because she voices these reasons it does not mean she doesn’t want to have sex with you, she just needs to get the reasons out of the way first.

1) Physical safety – If you have spent some time one on one with her even in a public venue, made out with her and introduced sexual conversation topics and have had some intimate touch, then this should not be a big deal.  She might say something like “can I trust you,” or “can I trust you not to kill me?”  Honestly there is nothing you can say at that point to convince her, her feeling has to be based on her own intuition. The act of asking the question is part her thinking out loud and answering her own objection, part test.  As long as you don’t freak out, then you pass the test. Odds are if she really didn’t think she could trust you, she wouldn’t ask the question.

So how do you respond? Simple, take what she says and make it a joke.  E.g. Can I trust you? “I’m as trustworthy as the big bad wolf, I might just have to eat you.“

2) Pregnancy/ STDs -  Most sexually experienced women by their early 20s have already come to a conclusion about this and have confidence in safer sex practices.  However some will ask this too.  All you have to do is agree, of course I’m safe.  Once again she basically has to take your word.  But of course you are careful, aren’t you.

3) Logistics part 1 – How are we getting back to your house or mine? If you have a car I strongly recommend that you drive if at all possible. Otherwise take a short taxi ride back to your place.  If you drive of course that means you need to limit your drinking, but you should do that anyway so that your responses are not dulled by alcohol. An average man can metabolize about 1.5 to 2 drinks per hour. Each drink contributes about .02 to your Blood Alcohol Level (BAL) by this I mean 1 4 oz. glass of wine, 1 12 oz. beer or 1.5 oz. of liquor that 40% alcohol, a strong mixed drink may be up to the equivalent of 3 drinks.

Logistics part 2 – Can I get home later tonight, tomorrow morning. Once again agree. Of course you will. Unfortunately I have talked to many women before who have had guys put them out on their door step in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning like a used piece of trash.  Never ever do this.  If you want her to come to your house agree with her, yes I will take care of you for that.  However it is also worth asking, where she lives?  If lives within reasonable driving distance of your house, agree, otherwise tell her your limit which might be getting her back to the subway line.

4) I don’t want to feel pressured to do anything.

This takes the form of something like we’re not going to have sex tonight. To which you can respond, Of course I’m not going to pressure you, let’s just relax and enjoy each other’s company.

5) Is the sex going to be good? Can you get her turned on? You can answer this question with your behavior and physical skills and with stories of your sexual escapades. Some dance floor body to body grinding that mimics sex can also work. You can also answer this question by the way you kiss and hit her erogenous zones to get her turned on.

So there are some quick tips when it comes to taking her home for sex.  While an excuse is a way to duck directly admitting to wanting sex (appearing to look like a slut), know that she knows what is up and you are not fooling her.  Simple excuses like food or alcohol are the easiest excuses.  Otherwise concentrate your efforts on generating the feelings or attraction and sexual arousal first, so that coming back to your place is a natural continuation of the evening.

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