May 27, 2018

Text Messaging for dating: 7 tips to be playful and engaging

The following article about text messages comes from an excerpt from my book Become That Guy: Become Irresistibly Attractive and also covers principles that are demonstrated in my field reports and in my seminar on text messaging.

Why should you use text messages?

Since it can often be hard to reach someone on the phone, many women now prefer to keep in touch using text messages.  They are a good way to keep you fresh in her mind so she is more likely to answer a phone call. It is a good idea to call her phone or have her call your phone when you first get her number so that she can record it into her phone.  Another option is to send a text right away, often giving her a cute nickname. “Hey glitter girl, I’ll catch you later.” Here are some of my stories and other resources to use text messages to rapidly build attraction.

Some more advantages of text messages are that they can be be a way to continue to build upon the momentum you already have and arrange to meet up with her later that first night if you are still out, especially since neither you nor her will be available to talk since you are around other people and in loud bars that often have spotty cell phone reception.  Text messages allow her to respond discretely while talking to others and when she has a moment while out at work, or even on a date with another guy.

Here are some tips for text messaging:  

dreamstimefree_814486-150x1501)    Be bold, with a challenging and playful attitude . This can include being cocky/ funny, qualify her in part by being bold and sexually forward. Find out what about her is attractive personally besides being physically attractive. Some assumptions you can use are that “you are the prize,” in a way that borders on arrogance but in a fun, playful way. And that it’s always on and she wants you.  Deliberately misinterpret some things she says in either a sexual way or a way in which she wants you, just like every other woman does. 🙂

2)    Don’t be needy – Give information to get information.

Instead of asking what are you doing? Share something funny about what you are doing or what she could be doing.  “Making dinner from free gourmet cheese samples at Whole Foods, how about you?“ Or even a simple “now at Lucky Bar with the rest of my crew, still at Public Bar?”

3)    Be conversational, keep texts brief, especially the first few. Messages that are too long might seem like too much of an investment of time early on from her perspective. Some goals to aim for include sparking a conversation that is balanced, engaging and casual.

4)    Use emoticons with jokes, or comments that you intend to be funny, especially those with sarcasm or an ambiguous meaning. While they can be used the wrong way or overused to where they are obnoxious. Common emoticons like LOL, 🙂 🙁 or a creative one that begs the question as to what it is can be used to make sure that your comments are taken as you intend them to be. A misinterpreted text can seriously break rapport in your text conversation.

5)    Use and build on what she gives you, repeat it back and build upon it similar to active listening or improv.  This establishes rapport and that you’re listening to her.  It also makes it more likely that she will go along with what you are saying. Everytime she agrees and participates with what you are saying, feed it back to her and push things farther.  For example she says I love bubble bath massages, so you say, ah, yes and it’s not necessary for you to feel that warmth spreading through your body now …

6)    “Challenge her to be more sexual. This can turn into some pretty hardcore  dirty talk or “sexting.”  By building excitement while liberally using softening words and playful challenges you can turn the conversation in a sexual direction quickly and powerfully without being perceived as being creepy.  This way by the time you meet in person you will have already smoothed the way to get physical.

Conclusion and how to learn more

Text Messages can be used to reinforce and build upon your initial connection meeting in place of time spent on the phone or in person. Text messages are more casual and require less of an investment of time and psychological energy for either you or her.   However by the time you meet in person after many text messages and maybe a phone call, you might just have her meet you at your place or go to hers without any prolonged “date.”

For more examples of how I apply these and other principles see my field reports from my free booklet or ebook or check out my next available live seminar on text messages or webinar on text messages where I review and expand upon my story from first meeting at a speed dating event, continued by text and then to her meeting me back at my place in the middle of the night.

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