Over the years I have had several experiences with women that were a little older than me and I thought about writing some of these down since I have gotten many questions relating to this topic recently. I have had many relationships such as these over the years, the first being a several month fling with a 41 year old women when I was 24 and becoming a more common trend over the last year or so now that I am in my early 30s. Over the last few years while continuing to be with women in their 20s, I have discovered women that are in their 30s and 40s, many of which are now divorced. Just the other day I had a conversation with a woman who found me on the online community Fetlife a few weeks ago and we have been emailing back and forth since she was coming to town the next weekend. Fetlife is kind of like Facebook for kinky people into the alternative sexuality scene.
I’ll call her Sexy Cougar, which by the way she fully embraces the moniker of cougar, something that I have found with many women in their 40s that I have met. They are unashamed and seem to embrace the power of choice and their ability to seduce men who are younger that they are attracted to. She is a busy executive in her mid 40s with two kids that will be visiting the area in a week and wants to meet up with me while she is doing a photo shoot so she can have some fetish pictures. She is very intrigued by the pickup artist coaching and erotic story writing that I do and there were some interesting points that she made in the conversation I had with her.
“I like to fit in with men that are younger. Younger men that are just getting out of grad school are some of the best at understanding older women. Men that are 26 and up want to connect more. 26 – 30 is my target that I’m looking for with guys right now.” She went on to say, it is an entirely different world than when she was in college. People are not getting married at 20 anymore, some are even having group sex in college like it was nothing. My life is very complicated and I don’t have peace. I have a daughter to take care of and I adopted a special needs child. I have sex as my escape, my outlet in my life. Some women have knitting or book clubs and I have sex. I prefer to have a steady partner in an open relationship, because sex gets better when you get to know someone.
She said she is looking for this deep connection with our conversation when we meet. She is hoping to feel that natural spark for me that doesn’t happen that often. She told me I was very smart about how I was communicating with her, “you lead the way a little bit and then encouraged me to write and do more.” She went on to say “When I do things like write erotica I’m doing something for myself, getting myself turned on.”
I told her that I do that deliberately so that she will have more investment in the process because ultimately all seduction is self-seduction, a person can be lead and guided on their own process of lust and adventure.
After we got off the phone she sent me this text message: I want … to be before you … looking up at you … into your eyes … as we speak.
Other conversations that I will relay soon include
- Those with a lawyer in her 40s who I have been dating who is newly divorced and appreciates the higher sex drive and energy to get out and do things that she finds in a younger man.
- More detail on the story of the woman who was in her early 40s when I was 24, who was at first a little awkward about the scenario, but later came to embrace it as she got approval from friends. We ended up dating for 3 months and the next guy she met she ended up getting married and having kids with.
- A woman in her late 40s that I met about 6 months ago a management consultant who runs in triathlons who laughed about the term cougar and seemed quite comfortable with herself including taking me out to a Moby concert.