Q: I’m a single guy in his late 20s. Recently I have been having great success using what I learned from you to generate all kinds of interest with women and have an abundant sex life with women I’m really attracted to. However I’m having fun right now just being single and am not ready to settle down to date anyone woman right now. How do I maintain things as they are so that I can see many different women at once? What do I do if she asks if I am seeing other women, I want to be honest but will she still want to be with me if she knows I am seeing other women? How should I handle this?
Dear Vincent P.,
Thank you very much for your question and I’m glad you are getting great results from my book. As you know I cover this in my book, both for setting expectations up front with a woman and how to manage relationships. Most women will not admit to being attracted to another guy simply because other women are attracted to him. However most women respond to this, even for many women that claim they are looking for a relationship, don’t sleep around etc.
As I mention in my book, Become That Guy: Become Irresistibly Attractive if you are not directly looking for a monogamous relationship then you should make it clear either through the stories you tell about yourself and your life by being that guy who is already with women. This is not just good honesty by building trust, but it also makes you more appear more attractive to most women. Over time you will internalize understandings like this one through your experience and how you talk about yourself to others. Essentially you become the guy equivalent of the hot chick. So here are a few reasons a woman will be attracted to a guy who is already taken.
1) Social proof – If other women like you then she assumes there must be a reason. This sets her on a path where she will start looking for reasons that you are attractive and usually when a person looks for evidence that something is true they will tend to find it. This concept is also known as confirmation bias.
2) Challenge and competition – “When women compete you win”
Many attractive women are used to men being “easy.” In her reality the guys all want to have sex with her, and she is the prize that men are pursuing. However most of the men who approach her are not attractive to her, so she has the situation of many men but fewer men she is actually attracted to. Knowing that there are other women in the picture brings out her competitive side. Basically she can say something to the effect of, “oh yeah, I’m better than that other (insert her word for a woman she doesn’t like here).
3) It matches her beliefs about men– You may have heard women say, the good ones are already taken. This is often true, and a woman will wonder if you are a desirable guy who is interested in women why are you single. This is the same concept as with a business such as a restaurant; do you want to go to a restaurant that doesn’t have any cars out in front of it? Or do you start to wonder why there is no one there during lunch or dinner? Many women are also attracted to men who are unavailable emotionally or don’t have much time to spend with her. This may be because she has daddy issues or she is busy with her life.
4) She doesn’t have to worry that you’ll be clingy – If a woman is not looking for a relationship and the guy is already seeing other women then she doesn’t have to worry about dealing with his feelings or him liking her too much more than she likes him. This can be a relief for a woman who recently broke up with or divorced someone or is really busy with grad school or work at the moment. However she may not want to admit that she is interested in sex but not a monogamous relationship at the moment for fear that a guy will judge her to be a slut, and either not want to have sex with her or not come back after the first time. By putting it out there first you take the pressure off of her.
So there are a few quick reasons why a woman will want to be with you and even be more attracted to you because you are seeing other women in addition to her.